Brilliant Beijing Hotel Brochure -
Translated as only the Chinese can!
A friend went to Beijing recently
and was given this brochure by her hotel.
It is precious.
She is keeping it and reading it whenever she feels depressed.
Obviously, it has been translated directly,
word for word from Mandarin to English.
Our representative will make you wait at the airport.
The bus to the hotel runs along the lake shore.
Soon you will feel pleasure in passing water.
You will know that you are getting near the hotel,
because you will go round the bend.
The manager will await you in the entrance hall.
He always tries to have intercourse with all new guests.
*This is a family hotel, so children are very welcome.
We of course are always pleased to accept adultery.
Highly skilled nurses are available in the evenings
to put down your children. Guests are invited to conjugate
in the bar and expose themselves to others.
But please note that ladies are not allowed
to have babies in the bar. We organize social games,
so no guest is ever left alone to play with them self.
*Our menus have been carefully chosen
to be ordinary and unexciting.
At dinner, our quartet will circulate
from table to table, and fiddle with you.
* Every room has excellent facilities
for your private parts.
In winter, every room is on heat.
Each room has a balcony offering views
of outstanding obscenity! …
You will not be disturbed by traffic noise,
since the road between the hotel and the lake
is used only by pederasts.
*Your bed has been made in accordance with local tradition.
If you have any other ideas please ring for the chambermaid.
Please take advantage of her.
She will be very pleased to squash your shirts,
blouses and underwear.
If asked, she will also squeeze your trousers.
*When you leave us at the end of your holiday,
you will have no hope. You will struggle to forget it.
Beijing Hotel Brochure
All the fun, excitement that travel brings, be sure to know your translations,
or expect the unexpected responses!
I recall a 2 week trip to the Easter Block countries in ’85, before the Iron Curtain came down.
The bus driver and tour guide were keen on my travel friend and me.
Being from Sarajevo, the bus driver spoke no English, nor anything I studied!
It didn’t go far, due to ‘nothing to talk about’!
Another example of different cultures, languages and
what we as westerners may feel comfortable with was…
One evening in Warsaw, Poland, my travel friend and I
were sitting in the lobby of this fine hotel waiting
for the tour guide and our group for dinner.
We asked why men kept circling us in the lobby.
The tour guide explained, only “professional women” sat alone in the hotel lobby.
We laughed at that one, and said, “lets hurry out of here“!
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To your many safe and fun travels!
Some funny Signs- wacky translations!
To tired to translate to English!